Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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