he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
