If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
