We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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