My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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