What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
