So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
