I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
