I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So vagazzling was a success
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
