i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
