The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
