Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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