and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
