How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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