I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
