why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
