I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
