do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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