mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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