Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
