he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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