The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
