so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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