Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
