Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
