Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
vagina is talking i cant
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
