my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
