at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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