they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You made out with two different species that night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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