she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
