don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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