I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
