Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
