How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
