I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was born a porn star she said
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
