i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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