The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
