We're like a lot better than the average bears
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
