I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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