I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
