I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
