It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
