Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
