i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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