kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
