her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
