I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
