So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
