didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
