this boner is exhausting
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
