Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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