You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
