I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize