Nicole vs. Life
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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