if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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