Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
