So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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