We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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