he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Randomize
