I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
worst night to have a conscience
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
