Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize