Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
