yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
