You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
