you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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