I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize