Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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