Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
