then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sober January is a disaster.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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