I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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