I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I love black thongs
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
