I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
