I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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